As some people already know I've had about a week to recover from my LASIK corrective eye surgery. A few thousand dollars and a bit of discomfort and no more glasses for me! This, of course, now makes my augmented eyeballs my most expensive body part. Its really strange being able to attach an actual price tag to specific anatomical pieces...
For those that asked, yes they told me exactly what they were going to do (and somehow I still agreed to do it), talked me through it as it happened, and even gave me the video tape of the procedure afterwards, so its pretty easy for me to break down my personal:
After numbing my eyes with drops and then writing something on them with a weird purple pen, they sat me in the chair under the big freaky machine and told me to just look at the little flashing light.
- First, they pop in the clamp that forces my eyelids open all Clockwork Orange style.
- Next, they place the circular metal orienting tool right on my eyeball (on the purple marks) and press down just hard enough to squash my eyeball and make my vision go black (a freaky experience).
- Then they slip in the the other half of the metal tool and actually slice my cornea.
- At this point they pull those things away, vision returns, and I can see the little flashing light again.
- Now the doctor slips a little metal tool under the incision and flips the flap that is my cornea like he was pulling back a bed sheet exposing the now flat surface of half cornea that they're about to hit with the freakin' laser beam. (this is where my vision went from as fuzzy as it usually is without glasses to the point of feeling like I was submerged in Jell-O).
- Activate LASER! And try REAL hard not to move my eye as parts of it are incinerated. (also try not to be distracted by what smells like burning hair, its really just burning eyeball).
- Put in a little bit of whatever was in that eyeball super glue and re-flip the cornea flap, gently rubbing it with a little swabby thing to make sure there are no bubbles or folds. Then sit and wait about 30 seconds as it seals and heals.
- Remove clamp, and proceed to the other eye.
All in all the procedure takes maybe 5 minutes per eye excluding the pre and post op procedures. It was a really unnerving event in general, but particularly for someone like me who has to realize that my eyes are the basis of my entire personal and professional life as an artist. The point where they squished my eye and I went temporarily blind was probably the most frightening experience I've had in my adult life. I told them I was glad I was getting both eyes done consecutively because given the choice, I don't think I'd have come back to get the second one done later. Turns out that might have been a better idea, actually because by the time they'd set up the second eye for surgery, I think my numbing drops were wearing off. I'd like to be able to describe how it actually feels to have your cornea sliced half way off, but it really is kind of a unique experience... Thankfully something like that doesn't actually hurt for very long, and if you can't blink, it doesn't really itch very much until later either. Though, until the numbing drops completely wore off, my eyelids were as numb as my eyeballs and refused to open, thus I look totally stoned in the post op shot with Dr. Karren and Gina his coordinator
Since then I've had to use the lubricating drops (artificial tears) less and less often and should be able to forgo them completely in another couple weeks. Since then I've only had to deal with a discomfort similar to wearing contact lenses (which I attribute to whatever kind of scar a cornea forms from being sliced open) and one accidental eye rubbing that felt like I'd shoved a knife into my brain. Needless to say, I haven't repeated that. Vision is supposed to fluctuate for the first month, as are the halo effects I see on bright lights at night, but after a week, I've learned to deal already. My monitor at work still gives me a little trouble if I'm trying to read fine print, though. Otherwise, I guess I've come away successfully cured of my eternal near-sightedness. Its a pretty good feeling. Though I admit I still go to push my glasses up on my nose from time to time, and invariably reach to take them off before I hop in the shower. Its strange how 20 years of subconscious behavior will stick around, no?
Guess we'll SEE what they have to say when I go in for my post op check up on Friday.
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